The God of Our Emotions

I hate to cry, especially in front of other people. Their first reaction is "Awe... You Okay? What's wrong?" and I always want to say "Nothing". Of course that is a lie, and there always is something going on but I just don't want to tell them... It is hard to deal with your emotions because, well, it hurts.

I used to get mad all the time, instead of crying my issues out I would just wear all of my irritations on my face and instantly jumped on anyone that I felt challenged by. Any smart individual would be able to look at my story and the emotionally erratic story of another and know that there is something going on inside. They are broken somewhere in their soul and the crack is oozing these gross emotions.

Have you ever seen a person that has shut off their emotions entirely and is unfazed by anything? It is almost scary, and the scariest part is that there is usually some kind of action that has surpassed their emotions that they are doing to try and feel something... or nothing. This is why people are cutting themselves, becoming addicts, and sleeping with anything that walks.

All of these things and the actions of society tell us that no one knows how to deal with emotions. We run from what we feel or we get awkward when someone else spills over. An emotion is the blood to our soul, if it is oozing out then there is a wound somewhere that needs to be patched up and worked on, not ignored. If ignored it gets infected, then we will try anything to feel better and numb the pain, sex, drugs, food, whatever.

I love music, I used to listen to all kinds but in these past few years I have only really listened to worship type music. You ever wonder why music is such a big deal to God. I mean He had an arch angel over it, Lucifer. He knows it well. Music, no matter what you listen to, triggers an emotion. Eminem makes people all angry, Beyoncé makes people feel hot, all country makes people sad, but worship...

The entire concept of worship, musical or not, is to put our focus on God, to acknowledge who He is. Music triggers the emotions we might have, sort of like a magnet to metal right? If music shows us that there is an issue and we are bleeding somewhere then musical worship is when we can focus that issue on God.

Songs of worship are chalk full of lyrics like, "On the throne, glorious, victorious, sovereign over all" and, “wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way" and, " I believe you're my healer..." If you are going through a rough time it's hard not to show emotion while you are really in deep worship to God. Why? Because He is what our soul needs, like relief from the pain of a deep wound.

God medicates us IF we really worship Him in those times of brokenness, through love, acceptance, forgiveness, and even strength. Do we really worship Him though? It really puts a new perspective on our times in worship. If we were really worshiping God and taking our issues to Him then would some of us still be as emotionally unhealthy as we are? Bottom line is we all got crap that needs to be fixed, and if you don't you will very soon.

Worship Him. He is bigger than what you are feeling and he will give you the wisdom to deal with your issues. He will make it better. Worship Him because He is God, the God of our emotions.

Inner War with the Outside World

The world seems so scattered.We are struggling to survive within ourselves, struggling for freedom. We think we have an idea of what freedom looks like but it is all a combination of wishes and selfish dreams. We are constantly looking and searching but never for the right things. There is more of a war happening on the inside of all of us than anyone else sees or believes. We have this belief that we are alone in this war and the fact is that we are.
We are alone because we don't trust others.
We are alone because we don't understand community.
We are alone because the community doesn't know how to help the individule.
Over and over agian communities and companions have let us down. We only see people as a community of pure disfunction. The pain of rejection screams louder than our need for someone to help us through the inner struggles of life. Constant let downs, lies, and the bad example of what community is supposed to be rings in our ears. So to not tell anyone what is going on, is safe. To deal with it on my own is, in our minds, our only option. 
We are alone because we choose to be.
It is a vicious circle. 

In the begining God created Man but God knew Man should not be alone. Even after naming every animal Man was not satisfied without someone like himself.
God is three in one. The Trinity consists of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. In the book "The Shack" it presents an interesting concept of the reason behind the Trinity. Community. Community between God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
Christ died on the cross so that there would no longer be seperation between Him and his people. Jesus as sacrifice gave us the connection to God he had in mind for us from the begining.
In the the begining Adam and Eve walked with God in the Garden.

Our lives are driven to community but it is the largest struggle of our hearts. If you want to heal, if you don't want to be alone, then choose a community of growth and contribute positively to it. The world seems so scattered because it is scattered. Unity is the only chance we have at winning this inner war.

Let The Loudest Man Win

React to the voice of the Loudest Man by doing what they demanded. We react in fear or in urgency but we never question the motive. What is the truth? What is the emotion? What are we going to believe? This is the little information I know, so this is what I think. I will believe what I am told, because it must be true. Why would it not be? Why should I think different from you?

Let the Loudest Man Win... let the loudest win our approval. Let society yell it's opinions so we can follow it at will. I will not question, I will not ask. I will not hesitate to believe, because to question is to fall flat. To question is to go against the grain of society, it marks you as different from the crowd. It says they are not the same and must be cast out.

The Loudest Man is the wind that directs the branch's wave. The Loudest Man catches all the attention and captures every eye. He wears the brightest colors and writes his words in the sky. He demands the attention of the people to stroke the ego of his soul. So everyone will know him and everyone will know.

Just because they blow does not mean you have to bend. Decide what is right by what is true not by the flavorful words of man. Quite the Loud Man in your mind and decide to lean into the whisper. Truth is awakened in the stillness. A quite mind has time to ponder. Words have power, if you react without thinking. Loudness can move you if you are unsure of where you stand. Root yourself in truth, then for sure you will not bend.

Let the Loudest Man Win you over and you will be wrong. The ones that stand alone will find one another and carry the truth away with them like they have all along.

His Feet

A gust of cold wind rose up over the ledge as I looked down into the blackened valley. I remembered this place, though I knew I had never been here before. Every battle wore the same mask of pain and fear and burdens every heart of man. The same feeling of terror before the fight... lurking around every corner to freedom. The unknown of what is to come and what you have to offer in this life you have been given. Every moment of failure and past mistakes rush into my mind. "Am I worthy" I thought, "how could I be?"
Suddenly I smelled Fear in the distance and a wave of emotion overtook my soul. Thats when I knew they were close... All I wanted to do was hide.

-

"I'm not ready." I had to let Him know before I left what I thought, I knew in my heart it was too big for me. It was my last plea to stay in this place that had become so comfortable.
"Who told you that?" He said softly and with a certain sternness in His voice. He shifted slightly at the table. I looked down at my feet, dirty and rough, years beyond my own etched into them.
"Who is ever truly ready for the unknown?" He asked. "I know what is to come," he spoke in such confidence, " I am."
I looked at His feet, tattered and scarred. His feet wore a life that I have never known, beyond what I could imagine or comprehend. His scars were unlike any others, set apart. I have heard rumors of the battle that He had won, long before my time. His feet wore the scars of that battle.Thats when I knew that because of what he had already done, that He was the only one whose words I could trust.

-

I walked boldly to the edge of the cliff and gazed off. I could slightly see the other side risen above the valley through the mist. There was promise there, there was something wonderful and new and this valley, this fight, was how I would reach the next chapter. The smell of the Enemy thickened and I caught a glimpse of Fear making its way toward me from the distance. "This will be the end of you Fear", I thought. Then one foot after another I made my way into the valley, to meet this terrorizing creature head on. I looked down onto the path before me leading into the darkness and saw another set of prints. These could only belong to one man, who had once been here before... long before my time. The foot prints couldn't have belonged to anyone else.

Fly

Writing has escaped me these past months. Having a moment to collect my thoughts or even put them on a piece of Internet paper, has continued to be difficult. It's almost one in the morning and sleep doesn't seem like the right thing to do. I cherish this time of insomnia because it allows me to breath out what air I have left trapped in my mind. The air might be stagnant I know, maybe a little warm to feel, but there is something amazing about being able to release what has been so tightly held in. Like a flock of pigeons freed from their cage, it's a sight to see as they fly off further and further into the distance.
What we tend to forget is the importance of what we so desperately tried to cage in.
Thoughts, emotions, experiences. They all make up who we are, whether we share it with others or keep it inside, what makes us valuable is our choice to set them free.
Pigeons always fly back home. In the early years pigeons were used to carry messages back to loved ones, military bases, kingdoms etcetera. Once the bird was taken from its home and set free to fly, it would carry with it that message of importance back to its home where the recipient would be waiting. A bird is just a bird, yes, but its of no importance to you if you never release it to fly. Everything works for the good of Gods glory, every moment of your life has its mark, every experience has its right to be used, not for your gain only but for the betterment of something bigger.
Take what you are given and give back.
I'm not writing to release any thoughts of congestion, or to freshen the air in my mind. I write to hopefully help you see that God wants you to propel forward into what He has next. Where are you in this moment of your life? Have you closed the door and shut it all in?  Don't wait for a moment in time, don't look to what you could do then. Be what God called you to be in this moment, in this time. Ministry is all around you, where you are before where you are going. Set free what makes you valuable, if you cage in who God called you to be you're only another grounded pigeon. Set yourself free to fly and then you will see the beauty in what He has in store in the very near distance.

Struggles of the Heart

I opened the door to my room and walked in slowly shutting out the world behind me. I flipped the light to my room off and put the music from my phone into my ears, I soaked in the beginning moments of my time with Him. Most days I don't say a word, I just think. I feel. Sometimes I struggle with my heart.

Suddenly I become so aware of what I don't have. I become aware of what I have missed. I become aware of what I was never given. I realize my brokenness and it screams so loud! It yells that I am not enough! It tells me I can't because.... it tries to convince me of my short comings. I am reminded again of what I have lost. I am reminded that I am not yet healed. I remember that I was always forgotten, and alone....
How long O God must I wait? How long Father, must we hurt and writhe in the pain of our past. How long do we have to fear the possibilities of the future? Why do you not answer? Do you see the tears that soak my pillow? Do you not see the sufferings of your people? Why do you hide your face? Why can we not hear your voice?

But then You remind me who You Are....
And with that He makes up for what I am not.
I am reminded that I am lost without Him.
I am reminded that He holds my heart in the palm of His hand.
I am reminded of His love, and there is nothing greater.

I wipe the last tear from my face and breath out the flood of insecurities. The next inhale I take is more deliberate, full of confidence and assurance in my God... My King... My Great Love. The silence of my heart brings a smile, who knew the real struggle was just in letting it go.

Darkness

Remember the voices that said you could never,
Remember the thoughts that said you were made for nothing better.
I remember the places where I once stayed,
I recall the moments where I would only fade.
I lived in the darkness of my own,
I walked in shadows, in low places I would roam.
I thought I was secure in the knowledge that I had,
there was nothing for me left to grab.
Lies tried to steal the little hope I held to,
I struggled, I pleaded, I cried out to you.
You are a God that remembers our sufferings,
and because we recalled our promised dreams,
you stood before our adversaries,
and proclaimed life and mine you carried.
Whoa to you that said they could never,
I am God, I created the stars and put you together.
I made you for more than what you believe,
because you turned away I will give them the keys.
Beware to those that make my little ones stumble,
by your own words you will crumble.
To those that once were proclaimed to be nothing of importance,
I will open to you the mysteries of my presence.
I am God where light can only be,
choose darkness and only the darkness you will see.

Pages

The thin sheet of paper was smooth between my fingers. It would have been all too easy to rip the pages, previous to this one, completely out of the book. Lately, I have been finding myself looking back at what I came out of, a look at the fine print and hidden details of my existence. I am thankful for so much but at the same time I wish some things were just easier. I have been through struggles that no one should have to ever experience, but I have been brought to places that fill my heart with a grateful and peace filled joy. Ripping those pages out would give no reason to the triumph of God.
Christ loved us in the bible, but His voice is loudest in present day. God once was murdered for me, yes. God suffered so that I could have the choice to live, yes. What speaks volumes to everyone is this: I have struggled, I have hurt, I have been overwhelmed with sorrow, confusion, and without understanding. I was left, I was unwanted, I have been hated by those I loved, and mistreated by the ones that should have cared. I was ignorant, I was bruised, and badly wounded. I was a lot of things... but those pages of my life show God in a way that this generation can touch, see, and understand. I once was... but now... My life shows a God that loves, that understands, that was always there, and changed everything. Those chapters that begin my life story all the way up until now, is what God looks like. A God that saves, a God that brings life to the dead places inside of us. A God that changes the story.
Looking back on all that was written in my life, thinking about taking out the bad and keeping the good, wouldn't tell you a story that matters. What matters is what was, and what brought you to now.

We all have a story, tell me why those pages in your life need to be left, need to be seen, and needs to tell a tale that will be remembered.

Wrestle

Questions.... answers, choices.... decisions, unbelief.... faith.

In every chapter of our lives we wrestle. We wrestle with thoughts, our emotions, different ideas and concepts of what we had believed we had always known the answer to. With every page to my life story there is this new mistrust, or questioning, or even doubt that we all have of God. Somewhere in our story we were misguided by the darkness of who God really was. Like Eve, we ponder on the things that God once told us, and because it never was played out in front of us as true we wonder if it ever really was.
Our hearts deceive us, but God speaks to the soul. The Word is saturated with truth, it is the book filled with the answers. The struggle is never with our own insecurities but with our failure to believe that God simply is what He alway has been. "I am the way, the truth and the life..." He said, and at some point in my life I will struggle with, if not one, every one of those concepts. Lies will always be fed to us, confusion will throw us for a loop, and doubt will play on the repeat. Your foundation will be knowing God. No matter your doubt or question God is still what He always was... Good. How well do you believe that? He is the shepherd that gives His life for His sheep.

In the midst of chaos, God is good. In the midst of not knowing, God is good. In the midst of fear, God is good. When all that is over, God was always good.

The Fight

Together we stand,
Individually we are attacked.

We reached the mouth of the valley as the sun cleared the cliffs above. I could hear them coming... I could feel Chaos, just around the bend of the rocks. "I'm not prepared," was all I could think of, fearing the possibilities of the very near future. Another climax of my life was coming to it's peak and I was not prepared to fight this battle.
The first figures of the enemy rounded the corner, followed by a swarm of creatures that spread themselves throughout the valley filling the crevasses like a mold. I pushed forward to strike the first figure that I saw and with moves like an immortal being it swung itself around, cutting me where I was vulnerable. Instantly Terror struck my soul... I was alone and unprotected.
Every swing and slash that I threw did not affect this creature but every attack it made, made contact to the places left open. Seeing the patterns of its movements I learned how to strike, and with one swift movement I finished it. But Terror had still left its mark.
Quickly I moved ahead and was faced with another figure. Blocking it's first attack followed by a second. On it's third attack it found my weakness and struck me where Terror had first struck. With that Panic had set in. I collapsed to the ground with every ounce of energy drained from me. My eyes gazed from the creature above me to the thousands of sandaled feet fightng beside me. In my last attempts to stay alive I cried out to those that were always by my side. And in an instant they all drew their arrows, responding to the command for help. The figure immediately dropped its weapon and stepped back as my body gave in to it's exhaustion and my vision faded to black.
As my mind wandered from dream to reality a familiar voice repeated one word... "Rest."

Lord, let me rest in you. Prepare me. Heal me, and let your will be done.
One day I will see that figure of Panic again, and then I will see it no more.

Seek First...

Seek first the Kingdom of God and all else will be added to you...

From an early age I realized that I was the only person that truly new what I wanted most in life. I also knew I was the only one that could get it. It was hard for me to lay those delicate things into someone else's hands, for fear that they would be taken away. I struggled and reached after so many things that I knew that I wanted, but because I was ignorant of the truth they only hurt me further.
Oh the things that we run after because we have a hole in our hearts, and it constantly reminds us that we are not complete. We have a longing for our dreams or passions but the effort we put towards them only puts us further behind. MY efforts are efforts based off of emotions and longings, but there is someone who's efforts are out of the purest love and intentions. My efforts can only go so far, but when I lay those things down, an all knowing God can pick them up and put things into motion.
I'm 24 and I now I have realized that I am not the only one that has my best intentions in mind. Not only does He have my best intentions in mind but He can carry it further than I ever could have.
"Wait on Me." He said. "I will give you the desires of your heart."
So here I am, just past midnight. All I can do God is wait on You. I will seek You. I will seek Your Kingdom... trusting all else will be added in Your own good time.

Dream

Why have we fell silent? Why have we blended ourselves into this cocktail of unsatisfied needs and constant lies.
I am an individual. I have a dream.
I will not look like a "christian" and I will not do as the world does.
Why have we given up? Was it too hard?
Did God not give you the strength to overcome?
Or did we waist our strength in fighting Him?

I will not let anyone render me different because I choose life.
Don't tell me I am too pure when I have seen and lived scorned, beaten, and ashamed.
I will not live "easy". I will fight. And I will fight for more than myself.

I will fight for an unborn dream.
I will cry out for those that once knew Him, and I will mourn for those that have not come to understand.
Why have we become dried bones?
 Let us not forget, that we were once alive.
 Let us not forget we are at war, and when it is all over we will stand alone before Him.

I have been silent when I was meant to proclaim.
There have been times when I have faltered. But I will hold on to His promise.
I will not let it be pulled from my grasp to be torn apart by this world.
We all have been given the world, yet the world takes from us.
I will hold true. I will not bow down.

I will be. And I will birth what God has promised.
Hold on to what God has put inside of you!
You can be sure that it is more than just a dream.

Grey Areas

It's been a while sense I have written anything. Some days I sit in front of my computer and words pour onto the screen, but nothing seems to come out how it should be read. Other times I want to write out so much but nothing comes into words. How do I express a lifetime full of experience and thought, how do I write a story that has not ended? We are all full of impressions and feelings. These are the exact things that shift our answers to life questions and it changes our direction between what is right and what is wrong.
...What is right?...What is wrong? There is so much grey area... and I have found myself running into them constantly. As constant as day and night.

I am not the answer to loneliness, for now.
I cannot make you feel good about who you are, but I will tell that your great.
I don't know if I have let "it" (my doubts of fears) go yet or not, but I want to.
I don't know how to pray, so I will just cry for you.
I don't know if I should go, but I will with an underlying hope.
Sometimes I don't hear God too, and I still long to hear His voice.
I have ignored God before, when I should have listened.
You are not my solution to my issues, but be patient while I work on them.

I want to capture God, but He will not be caged. There is so much I can't understand, I try to find out the answer but, like God, there will always be mystery to it. We were not meant to know how to and why, if we knew it all there would be no God. All I can hope for is that You Father will lead me to know where to go.... No, you are always leading. What I need to do, is follow.

Words

If words held more meaning I could tell you, I could really tell you that God was good.

I notice the world and all it holds. Death, disease, and pains of every kind plague our thoughts and keep us from our truest potentials. I have spent hours writhing in emotional pains over issues in my own life as well as intense prayers for others. I don't have any idea how to stop the hurt from coming while at the same time work through what is. I want to fly... I want freedom, I want to finally be able to breathe the purest of intentions. I want Him and all of Him, in me and surrounding all of my life.
But for right now thats not the way that it is. Reality is that darkness is here, and we are looking for those cracks of life. The cracks in the darkness where we can temporarily see hope. Those small moments help us to see in the darkness for miles around. "I'm at work," He says.
 I can't help but smile, I can't help but laugh, I can't help but feel freer. Something is coming and He is at work.

If words held more meaning I could tell you, I could tell you that God is Good... He will show you, then you won't have to say a thing.

Fall

I close my eyes for only a second.  Waves of emotion and thought hit me, but it feels like more time went by than it takes a sunrise to set.
When darkness fills my eyelids I'm suddenly taken to a different place. I feel the cold crumbling rock pressed against my palms and cheek.
I know this wall, I built it, and I tend to it's every need.
I think back at all of the times it was in my way, every time I hit it out of frustration, and every time I built it back up to hide under it's dark shadow. This wall was apart of the cage I built for myself, and the box others help put me in. This wall keeps me...
It has kept me from finding joy.
It has kept me from the hurts of life.
It has kept me from really living.
It has kept me from giving of myself.
It has kept me from reaching...
My cheek starts to become numb and I tear away out of frustration. Panic sets in knowing that I have missed so much of the good God had for me, and knowing that it is now that I have to face this monstrosity. It was MY protection, and it held me back. It was MY peace and it caused me to feel trapped. I made sure it stayed standing.
It was all mine... but I am not my own.
Somehow I had made it to the ground, but I pull myself up and turn to face this hard place. A tear streams down my face and I take a determined breath.

I slowly open my eyes to the real world as if I was seeing light for the first time.
"It's time to let go, " I tell myself.
Freedom comes from simply letting the wall... fall.

Breath Life In.

Sometimes you forget to just breath life in.

Today was a pretty normal day ...  lots to do, many things to pay attention to, and a bunch of things to think about. Nothing in particular tugged my mind to stop for a moment or interrupt my average train of thought. Nothing struck me as out of the ordinary or unusual. Until I stopped for a few moments to pay attention to what I tend to take advantage of, but what is really changing my life.
I forget to breath life in.

Have you ever had that slight urge to take an extra breath? One that you almost do on purpose. All your other inhalings throughout the day go unnoticed and are expected. But when you get a second, you take in a breath that is deeper more deliberate than all the others. And after you finally fill your lungs in that short second, you realize how your body had almost screamed for it all along. A rejuvenating intake, and with that you remember the importance of the one thing you took for granted all day long.
Sometimes we do that to life.

The small jesters of kindness that gave you the reason for wanting to be a better person.
The celebration of completing something that was worked so hard for, and gave you confidence in who you have become.
The beginnings of a new life and the feeling of starting what you were designed to be.
The voices and smiles of the people you care most about and truly care about you.
The simple thought of "I can make it too" and seeing how far you have come.

It's refreshing to take it all in for a second, and feel life's air fill your empty lungs. You remember in that moment how much you needed that one deliberate breath, and it makes all the other unnoticed moments worthwhile. It gives you life. To take it all in in that one small moment. Fill your heart with the good things of life. Don't let what gives you breath go unnoticed.

Breath life in.

Stillness

I finally got myself up from in front of the television after a shorter day of work. The Holidays tend to be a constant reminder of what seems to be lacking in my life and all I want is for it to just pass me by. All afternoon an echoing feeling of inner thirst gnawed at my soul. Sometimes I find myself ignoring Him, and lately it's been more often. It's almost as if I don't want to hear what He has to say, but on this night I try to quiet myself to listen...
Nothing.
The weight of my present issues lean onto my metaphorical shoulders, bogging my mind down with more to think on. God where are you?
Nothing.
No thing I care to ask or vent on seems appropriate to let slip from my mind. So I wait. I tear away my thoughts and just sit.

Nothing changed, no loud voice from the heavens, no huge revelation. Only stillness. All I really need is to find Him ... in everything. Stillness does not come from the atmosphere that we are in, it comes from choosing to live in the peace of God. Stillness is a choice of heart, that's how we can still see God in the middle of death, pain, and in sorrow. We let the chaos if this world scream so loud.
When God meets us in stillness.

Solomon

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Each heart knows it's own bitterness, and no one else can share it's joy.
Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief.
As iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another.
As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.
Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
 Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own ....

The Day Dawn Broke Over the Horizon

The world has been so dark for some time now. I wish that my eyes would adjust to the thick molasses of lacking light, but the only thing that lets me see is this small tube of radiance I have carried with me in these past years. My tiny flashlight I keep focused on the path in front of me, in case of any obstacles that might suddenly present itself. I feel as though I have missed what I was looking for. I might have wandered away from those small distant cries instead of toward them.
I stop and scan the surrounding area as far as my light will reach. Nothing. I stand very still hoping that my ears will pick up the faintest of noises. Still nothing. What was I looking for? What did I hear that caught my attention? Why am I out here, alone, in a very unfamiliar place?
Overwhelmed with thoughts and confusion I take a knee. Holding my light with one hand and placing the other into the cold dusty earth, I take a breath and close my eyes.
Help me remember...
And like a flood of emotion, flashes of the multitudes overrun my thoughts. Face after face race into my mind and each one is bearing the weight of their present hurts. The knowledge and experience of their individual pains hit me like a ton of cement, that continues to become thicker and heavier with each passing second. Tears stream down my cheeks and breathing increases to be difficult. A cry like I have never felt wells up inside of me, trying to hold it in is almost impossible.
And like a weight that suddenly lifts, a loud billowing sob is heard. Recognizing that the sound was so close to me, I immediately thrust my hand in the direction of the oppression. I swing my small light around and my eyes meet the multitudes. Just one face. One suffering heart. One person hurting and lost in the dark."Let me show you The Way", I say.
And with that, I remember.
That was the day dawn finally broke over the horizon.

Look and See that the Lord is Good.

Look.

Every drastic change in your life makes you see what you failed to recognize before. 

I feel as though I have been on a chase... a chase for acceptance, or maybe a chase for self identity. Growing up in the chaotic world I grew up in, my identity was not my own. It was whatever I was told I was, or was to do.

 I feel as though too many times I find myself begging God to give me direction, but what I was really saying was, tell me who I am so I can be that.

Yes I was created, but I am defined by me.

God sees us for what He created us to be but who I become is determined by my choice.

What do you want....

I don't want to be defined as an old characteristic

I don't want to settle for anything less than what my heart desires

I want to be used for something greater than myself

I want to know Your heart

I want to love like You love me

I was created for good things, what defines me is the passion and desire for those good things.

In the beginning God created us and said that it was good. We walked with Him then, in the Garden. I want that. Closeness. I don't even want to ask God for a direction anymore. I just ask if I can walk with Him.

And I see that the Lord is Good.