I opened the door to my room and walked in slowly shutting out the world behind me. I flipped the light to my room off and put the music from my phone into my ears, I soaked in the beginning moments of my time with Him. Most days I don't say a word, I just think. I feel. Sometimes I struggle with my heart.
Suddenly I become so aware of what I don't have. I become aware of what I have missed. I become aware of what I was never given. I realize my brokenness and it screams so loud! It yells that I am not enough! It tells me I can't because.... it tries to convince me of my short comings. I am reminded again of what I have lost. I am reminded that I am not yet healed. I remember that I was always forgotten, and alone....
How long O God must I wait? How long Father, must we hurt and writhe in the pain of our past. How long do we have to fear the possibilities of the future? Why do you not answer? Do you see the tears that soak my pillow? Do you not see the sufferings of your people? Why do you hide your face? Why can we not hear your voice?
But then You remind me who You Are....
And with that He makes up for what I am not.
I am reminded that I am lost without Him.
I am reminded that He holds my heart in the palm of His hand.
I am reminded of His love, and there is nothing greater.
I wipe the last tear from my face and breath out the flood of insecurities. The next inhale I take is more deliberate, full of confidence and assurance in my God... My King... My Great Love. The silence of my heart brings a smile, who knew the real struggle was just in letting it go.
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