Promised

It took me a long time to figure out the difference in being given something and having a promise. You have probably "pinky swore" a few times in your life or even given your "word" to someone. But really we have never had the capability of holding and fulfilling a true promise.
A human being has no grounds for promises. A person is fallible and can never make anything a sure thing. What we have in us is not consistent. A Mom cannot tell her son that she will always be there for him whenever he gets scared, because the truth of the matter is she won't always be there to protect him. A ten year old girl cannot promise that she will take good care of her new pet dog because we all understand she will forget to feed him every once in a while. What we have as humans is not a promise we can keep but only something we can give one moment at a time. A gift is given but it never provides you your purpose just a way to get there.
A promise is something beyond our limits. God is Promise, never changing and always sure. Sense the beginning we were never given anything by God, we were promised it. He didn't give us life and life more abundantly, He promised it. God never gave us healing, He promised it. Jesus never gave His life for us, He promised it. A Promise is always the direction your going, a gift helps you along the way.
We cannot offer what we never obtained to begin with. That's why God is God and we are man.  Hold onto the Promise, and give what you have in this moment.

Ten Thousand Lies

Ten thousand lies
Can misdirect thousands of thoughts
Thousands of misdirected thought
Can lead to a hundred of other directions
A hundred of other directions
Point to a ton of unopened doors
A ton of unopened doors
Sparks some curiosity
Some curiosity
Opens one door
And that one door
Opens to Ten thousand lies

I Can Still Hear My Heartbeat

I'm sitting here in the somewhat rare silence of my apartment. I close my eyes and the memories and chaos of the past seven months flood my mind. I have a lot to be angry about, and so many reasons to feel like a failure. But after it was all said and done, I sit in this rare silent moment, and I can still hear my heartbeat.
I question the motives and directions of those people that were supposed to be my leaders, but I intensely question my own. I have told a numerous amount of people that I don't think I was supposed to even be here, and I can almost agree with that. I have a lot of new bruises from people that were supposed to be "Christians", and I have some old wounds that were reopened. Maybe I have some new hurts that I could have avoided, but the fact that I'm alive means I'm going to get hurt every once and a while. Most importantly there are things that I have gained from this experience that I will never want to loose, and I believe it's why I was here.
Firstly my Dad, I got to pick up the years that were lost. I don't think I will fully understand the pain he must have gone through, caused by a crewel ex wife and the loss of his kids. It hurts my heart to know that he was damaged by it and still is. But even more so now I understand that his love was always there and is excited he can finally be the Dad he missed out being.
Next my closest friends, the people that really were with me through it all. When I left five years ago they were the only friends I cared about enough to hold on to. Being back for these few months made me realized how much I loved them and how much of the important parts of our young lives we shared together. It makes me tear up when I think of leaving them and not being able to be there when their children are born, or being parents together, or crazy old ladies in rocking chairs. I will miss them dearly.
Lastly, the people that cared about me as a kid when they didn't have to. You took me in, you let me be apart of your family, and you helped me to see that God cared. Without you I would not be where I am today.
I'm glad I came back. I'm glad I came back to love on the people I wasn't able to love on in a long time. I learned what only could have been taught in this atmosphere and God showed me some things I needed to see. No matter the noise and distractions of yesterday I am thankful for the silence of today. Because today I can see what really mattered, and today I can go back home knowing it was all worth it. Today, I recognize there is pain in life but I can still hear my heartbeat.

-Dedicated to my close friends and family in Seattle

Future Existence.

Who does man think that we are to overcome the definition of existence?
I just watched a documentary on the evolution of man and mechanics, rather the merging of man and mechanics. Transcendent Man is about the the thoughts, ideas, and predictions of the inventor Ray Kurzweil. This man has devoted his life to improving the existence of man kind, inventing reading machines for the blind, prosthetics that are plugged into your neurological system for the lame, the list goes on and on.
The claim that struck me the most was the idea that because of the technology that we have created thus far we, as humans, will be able to advance technology enough to overcome health issues. We will be able to run longer, hold our breath longer, live longer. We will be able to advance our human bodies to the degree of being able to plug ourselves into the intranet to obtain an infonaut amount of information. He even went as far as to claim that we will be able to bring the exact likeness of our dead ones from the grave or anyone and replicate them enough to be as actual human beings. And the most scary thing of all of those claims is that we have the technology to do it.
Have we put our trust in an intelligence that we have created? Have we gone as far as claiming we could be like a god?
Now more than ever I am convinced we are very much living in the last days. God will not be tampered with. And we are diving head first into an idea that will ultimately destroy us, and not in the least bit will it improve our existence.

Weak Minded

There are many controversial things that surround our culture. The mere fact that our culture is the combination of many other cultures and religions causes us to question almost anything. We also tend to push in culture as things that we are supposed to do by laws of religion.

 Let me give a few examples: At Christmas time we put up a tree, decorate it and give presents to each other, all to celebrate the birth of our Lord... Where in the world does a pretty tree fit into that? (rumor has it that that tradition is a pagan one) Another example: Before every meal we pray to bless the food. Not gonna lie, it is a good thing to do, but I'm pretty sure that if we don't pray before we eat we will not die from food poisoning or something horrendous. The list could go on and on.

But one thing that does get on my nerves, slightly, and I think Paul said it the best "Knowledge puffs up but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God." -1 Cor. 8:1-3.

There are a few things stated there that we all tend to forget. We might be on the path to Christ but we sure are not always right. Each of us have ideas of "the right thing" in our own mind that we apply diligently to our lives. When it becomes a danger is when you have decided that your "right thing" is the only "right way".

Let me pull up a subject that is of some debate between many denominations within Christianity. Alcohol. Now I am going to make a statement before anyone has time to judge. God brings to light, as individuals, what has come between you and Him. For every person God brings to light different things at different times depending on where you are with Him. If Jesus told you no on any matter, you should probably obey. If something was never brought to you as a conviction then thats between you and God.

 Anyway, there are many Christians that have there different stands on the issue of drinking. Some say that it is a big no no, and others believe some is okay. My point here is not on who is right and who is wrong. My point is simply, is your knowledge so "puffed up" that you cannot except the person that does not believe what you believe? What is that other than division? People cuss, people drink, people don't pray before they eat... who cares? If only our ideas of "right and wrong" define us then we are no better, if not worse, than anyone in this world. 

"... the greatest of these is love."-Jesus. This is what should make us "Jesus lovers" the cut above... love and nothing else. Are we so weak minded to let anything else define us?

An Unlocked Room

"Where are you going?" Every word from his mouth was smug, as if it was all a joke.
"I'm not too sure." I looked around again, everything was such a blur. I remembered this room to look a lot different when I walked in it but now it seemed drastically different. Day by day things changed and molded, in the beginning it was inviting and exciting but now it seemed more and more like a cell.
"I don't want to be here anymore." This time I told him to his face, but all he gave back was a erie smile.
"Let me out." I insisted as I motioned to his keys. "What makes you think that this isn't where you belong?" He said smoothly.
I paused at his question, I had no answer. "You opened the door didn't you?" He said, "You wanted to open it." I looked around again, the walls had peeled away into cement and the furniture had lost it's grand appeal, leaving only a pile of wood and rotted cloth behind. I could fix it up, I thought, I could make something of it. I reached for an old lamp to switch on the light, but it flickered and went out. I tried the switch again but nothing happened.
I stopped and just stared at the lamp with my hand still seemingly glued to the switch, almost as if I had hoped it would just magically come on at any minute. I let go suddenly and ran over to the old couch in a panic trying to place the pieces back together that was obviously a hopeless project. As soon as I let go of the wood, it fell apart in an instant, turning out to be in a more horrible condition than when I started. I need help, I thought. That second the voice in the corner leaned back into his chair and just smirked at me as if I was doing a good job on my own.
I stood up slowly and just closed my eyes. "God..." I whispered. In that moment I realized that I was on my own and a sudden wave of emotion that I didn't belong there struck me in the face. I was wasting my time in a room meant for no one. I opened my eyes and swiveled around to face the door that not to long ago I dreamed of going through to enter into this very room. Now I so desperately wanted out to be where I belonged... in a place of peace.
I walked over to the door and this time touched the door knob. He stood up very fast and took a step toward me, "Where are you going?" he exclaimed.
I slowly turned the handle to the door that seemed to need no key, I turned my eyes to his and said "Somewhere."
Smiling I took my step into the unknown, and in that there... was freedom.

Common Man

I have searched this world for an acceptance I will never find.
I am haunted by the twisting and tearing of words others have labeled me as, or the declaration by others of who I will be.
No one will truly accept me for me.
Everyone has their own opinion.
Everyone thinks they know how I will turn out.
Everyone has a pre conceived notion of who I am because of words I use or an insecurity that came off strong.
Tell me who I am and you will be wrong.
Tell me where I am going and where I end up will be severally different.
You do not know who I am by your judgement.
My life has nothing to do with what you think.
My life has everything to do with what I think.
Where my foot falls is my decision.
Who I am was declared before you were in existence.
I was born for greatness.
You do not determine what my greatness is.
I will not live for you, you will never be satisfied.
I am tired of life being tinted by rejection.
I am exhausted of running after your approval and opinions.
I am Common Man, and I was born to be great.
I was born to be great but Common Man lives to tell me different.