The Day Dawn Broke Over the Horizon

The world has been so dark for some time now. I wish that my eyes would adjust to the thick molasses of lacking light, but the only thing that lets me see is this small tube of radiance I have carried with me in these past years. My tiny flashlight I keep focused on the path in front of me, in case of any obstacles that might suddenly present itself. I feel as though I have missed what I was looking for. I might have wandered away from those small distant cries instead of toward them.
I stop and scan the surrounding area as far as my light will reach. Nothing. I stand very still hoping that my ears will pick up the faintest of noises. Still nothing. What was I looking for? What did I hear that caught my attention? Why am I out here, alone, in a very unfamiliar place?
Overwhelmed with thoughts and confusion I take a knee. Holding my light with one hand and placing the other into the cold dusty earth, I take a breath and close my eyes.
Help me remember...
And like a flood of emotion, flashes of the multitudes overrun my thoughts. Face after face race into my mind and each one is bearing the weight of their present hurts. The knowledge and experience of their individual pains hit me like a ton of cement, that continues to become thicker and heavier with each passing second. Tears stream down my cheeks and breathing increases to be difficult. A cry like I have never felt wells up inside of me, trying to hold it in is almost impossible.
And like a weight that suddenly lifts, a loud billowing sob is heard. Recognizing that the sound was so close to me, I immediately thrust my hand in the direction of the oppression. I swing my small light around and my eyes meet the multitudes. Just one face. One suffering heart. One person hurting and lost in the dark."Let me show you The Way", I say.
And with that, I remember.
That was the day dawn finally broke over the horizon.

Look and See that the Lord is Good.

Look.

Every drastic change in your life makes you see what you failed to recognize before. 

I feel as though I have been on a chase... a chase for acceptance, or maybe a chase for self identity. Growing up in the chaotic world I grew up in, my identity was not my own. It was whatever I was told I was, or was to do.

 I feel as though too many times I find myself begging God to give me direction, but what I was really saying was, tell me who I am so I can be that.

Yes I was created, but I am defined by me.

God sees us for what He created us to be but who I become is determined by my choice.

What do you want....

I don't want to be defined as an old characteristic

I don't want to settle for anything less than what my heart desires

I want to be used for something greater than myself

I want to know Your heart

I want to love like You love me

I was created for good things, what defines me is the passion and desire for those good things.

In the beginning God created us and said that it was good. We walked with Him then, in the Garden. I want that. Closeness. I don't even want to ask God for a direction anymore. I just ask if I can walk with Him.

And I see that the Lord is Good.

Remind Me

Each day goes by, some fly away while others linger on. Every day I am reminded of something different, and everyday I want to make a difference in life. I don't ever want to be so comfortable in one place that I don't move to help another. I don't want to be so angry or scared that I don't ignore my emotion to help someone in need. I want to move.
There is too little time to ignore what goes on around us. There is too much pain in this world to not stop and lend a helping hand. My prayer for my life is that God will give me a specific direction in ministry. But  everyday the opportunity to hold out your hand is there. I hope to God that I see that I'm the difference in life. Mine or another's.

Just Show Up

Every Christ follower remembers their first real meeting with God. I remember my first "God moment" as a teenager. It was an experience that I couldn't even fully grasp at that young of an age. I was 14 years old and what I had experienced of God was intense, so intense that every meeting I had with God for a long while after that was based off of that first encounter.
My paster the other day said a simple phrase that drew it out so simply like pencil on paper. He said "I used to walk away from my devotions thinking that I didn't do it right because I didn't get a certain feeling or I didn't pray like I should have. But later in your walk you realize that its not about what you do right or wrong, it's just that your there with Him".
I will be honest to say that it wasn't until after I graduated BMMC that I realized this concept and how powerful just "being" with someone is. I remember that even in times when I got together with friends that what we did together had to be epic or it was pointless. And in a lot of ways my relationship with Christ was the same way. We base the intensity of our lives off of emotional experiences and we forget to just experience. We have forgotten how to simply be with each other, and in that we don't know how to just be with God. He doesn't want anything from us but us... yet we continue to demand more and more of Him.
After that first encounter with God I quickly fell back into my old holes because I thought I wasn't engaging like I should have. When really all I had to do was show up.

Devotion of Your Youth

I remember the devotion of your youth,
how as a bride you loved me
and followed me through the desert,
through a land not sown...
Awake, awake...
Free yourself from the chains on your neck...
"For my people have been taken away for nothing,
and those who rule them mock,
All day long my name is constantly blasphemed.
Therefore my people will know my name;
therefore in that day they will know
that it is I who foretold it.
Yes, it is I."

Remember the devotion of your youth.
Too many of us have fallen asleep.
It's time that we wake up to the truth.
Know the Name.
I don't want God telling me "I told you so."


*Jer. 1:2 ; Isa. 52:1, 2, 5-6

Complexity

Our lives are each individually so complex. We have moments that spring other moments into action and people that add an extra thread into our tightly woven life. It's when you sit and examine the details of your life that you realize there was no way I could have put any of these things into motion.
I don't know how many times I have tried to control the things that happened in my life. I have went out of my way to manipulate opportunities only to see, now how much energy I wasted on something I had no grasp on to begin with. We plan out our lives step by step only to find yourself taking a turn that wasn't on the map you drew out in the beginning. If we draw out our own map in life and stick to it then there is no complexity to existing. What makes a painting complex is the thousands of random colors and brush strokes that make up a extremely large masterpiece. The finished product can only be seen by taking a step back and having each piece fall into it's perfect place. Only when you take that step back, away from the canvas, does the picture come together.
It really does amaze me how complex our lives are and we never had to pick up a brush. We just needed to take a step back and let each stroke fall into it's rightful place. It is finished. So there is no need to try to perfect the Perfecter.

Home

It was settling driving alone back to my new/old home in the suburbs of Alabaster. I blasted "Coming Home" on my ipod in my car as I drove. If my Dad was in the car while I did that he would have just glared at me in joking disapproval, so I waited until he was safely in his hotel room. It is funny being back here, I don't know how many times I asked myself "what am I doing here?" But I quickly dismissed those thoughts and accepted the fact this was the only place I felt at home. This was my chance of just having a place to really call my own, a place where I had a fresh start. A life that is not disfigured by my ever haunting past.
I honestly don't know what's next in the storybook of my life and I don't care to try to figure it out. At this moment I'm just glad I'm here. God thank you that you have given me simply that. A Home.