The God of Our Emotions

I hate to cry, especially in front of other people. Their first reaction is "Awe... You Okay? What's wrong?" and I always want to say "Nothing". Of course that is a lie, and there always is something going on but I just don't want to tell them... It is hard to deal with your emotions because, well, it hurts.

I used to get mad all the time, instead of crying my issues out I would just wear all of my irritations on my face and instantly jumped on anyone that I felt challenged by. Any smart individual would be able to look at my story and the emotionally erratic story of another and know that there is something going on inside. They are broken somewhere in their soul and the crack is oozing these gross emotions.

Have you ever seen a person that has shut off their emotions entirely and is unfazed by anything? It is almost scary, and the scariest part is that there is usually some kind of action that has surpassed their emotions that they are doing to try and feel something... or nothing. This is why people are cutting themselves, becoming addicts, and sleeping with anything that walks.

All of these things and the actions of society tell us that no one knows how to deal with emotions. We run from what we feel or we get awkward when someone else spills over. An emotion is the blood to our soul, if it is oozing out then there is a wound somewhere that needs to be patched up and worked on, not ignored. If ignored it gets infected, then we will try anything to feel better and numb the pain, sex, drugs, food, whatever.

I love music, I used to listen to all kinds but in these past few years I have only really listened to worship type music. You ever wonder why music is such a big deal to God. I mean He had an arch angel over it, Lucifer. He knows it well. Music, no matter what you listen to, triggers an emotion. Eminem makes people all angry, Beyoncé makes people feel hot, all country makes people sad, but worship...

The entire concept of worship, musical or not, is to put our focus on God, to acknowledge who He is. Music triggers the emotions we might have, sort of like a magnet to metal right? If music shows us that there is an issue and we are bleeding somewhere then musical worship is when we can focus that issue on God.

Songs of worship are chalk full of lyrics like, "On the throne, glorious, victorious, sovereign over all" and, “wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way" and, " I believe you're my healer..." If you are going through a rough time it's hard not to show emotion while you are really in deep worship to God. Why? Because He is what our soul needs, like relief from the pain of a deep wound.

God medicates us IF we really worship Him in those times of brokenness, through love, acceptance, forgiveness, and even strength. Do we really worship Him though? It really puts a new perspective on our times in worship. If we were really worshiping God and taking our issues to Him then would some of us still be as emotionally unhealthy as we are? Bottom line is we all got crap that needs to be fixed, and if you don't you will very soon.

Worship Him. He is bigger than what you are feeling and he will give you the wisdom to deal with your issues. He will make it better. Worship Him because He is God, the God of our emotions.

Inner War with the Outside World

The world seems so scattered.We are struggling to survive within ourselves, struggling for freedom. We think we have an idea of what freedom looks like but it is all a combination of wishes and selfish dreams. We are constantly looking and searching but never for the right things. There is more of a war happening on the inside of all of us than anyone else sees or believes. We have this belief that we are alone in this war and the fact is that we are.
We are alone because we don't trust others.
We are alone because we don't understand community.
We are alone because the community doesn't know how to help the individule.
Over and over agian communities and companions have let us down. We only see people as a community of pure disfunction. The pain of rejection screams louder than our need for someone to help us through the inner struggles of life. Constant let downs, lies, and the bad example of what community is supposed to be rings in our ears. So to not tell anyone what is going on, is safe. To deal with it on my own is, in our minds, our only option. 
We are alone because we choose to be.
It is a vicious circle. 

In the begining God created Man but God knew Man should not be alone. Even after naming every animal Man was not satisfied without someone like himself.
God is three in one. The Trinity consists of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. In the book "The Shack" it presents an interesting concept of the reason behind the Trinity. Community. Community between God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
Christ died on the cross so that there would no longer be seperation between Him and his people. Jesus as sacrifice gave us the connection to God he had in mind for us from the begining.
In the the begining Adam and Eve walked with God in the Garden.

Our lives are driven to community but it is the largest struggle of our hearts. If you want to heal, if you don't want to be alone, then choose a community of growth and contribute positively to it. The world seems so scattered because it is scattered. Unity is the only chance we have at winning this inner war.

Let The Loudest Man Win

React to the voice of the Loudest Man by doing what they demanded. We react in fear or in urgency but we never question the motive. What is the truth? What is the emotion? What are we going to believe? This is the little information I know, so this is what I think. I will believe what I am told, because it must be true. Why would it not be? Why should I think different from you?

Let the Loudest Man Win... let the loudest win our approval. Let society yell it's opinions so we can follow it at will. I will not question, I will not ask. I will not hesitate to believe, because to question is to fall flat. To question is to go against the grain of society, it marks you as different from the crowd. It says they are not the same and must be cast out.

The Loudest Man is the wind that directs the branch's wave. The Loudest Man catches all the attention and captures every eye. He wears the brightest colors and writes his words in the sky. He demands the attention of the people to stroke the ego of his soul. So everyone will know him and everyone will know.

Just because they blow does not mean you have to bend. Decide what is right by what is true not by the flavorful words of man. Quite the Loud Man in your mind and decide to lean into the whisper. Truth is awakened in the stillness. A quite mind has time to ponder. Words have power, if you react without thinking. Loudness can move you if you are unsure of where you stand. Root yourself in truth, then for sure you will not bend.

Let the Loudest Man Win you over and you will be wrong. The ones that stand alone will find one another and carry the truth away with them like they have all along.

His Feet

A gust of cold wind rose up over the ledge as I looked down into the blackened valley. I remembered this place, though I knew I had never been here before. Every battle wore the same mask of pain and fear and burdens every heart of man. The same feeling of terror before the fight... lurking around every corner to freedom. The unknown of what is to come and what you have to offer in this life you have been given. Every moment of failure and past mistakes rush into my mind. "Am I worthy" I thought, "how could I be?"
Suddenly I smelled Fear in the distance and a wave of emotion overtook my soul. Thats when I knew they were close... All I wanted to do was hide.

-

"I'm not ready." I had to let Him know before I left what I thought, I knew in my heart it was too big for me. It was my last plea to stay in this place that had become so comfortable.
"Who told you that?" He said softly and with a certain sternness in His voice. He shifted slightly at the table. I looked down at my feet, dirty and rough, years beyond my own etched into them.
"Who is ever truly ready for the unknown?" He asked. "I know what is to come," he spoke in such confidence, " I am."
I looked at His feet, tattered and scarred. His feet wore a life that I have never known, beyond what I could imagine or comprehend. His scars were unlike any others, set apart. I have heard rumors of the battle that He had won, long before my time. His feet wore the scars of that battle.Thats when I knew that because of what he had already done, that He was the only one whose words I could trust.

-

I walked boldly to the edge of the cliff and gazed off. I could slightly see the other side risen above the valley through the mist. There was promise there, there was something wonderful and new and this valley, this fight, was how I would reach the next chapter. The smell of the Enemy thickened and I caught a glimpse of Fear making its way toward me from the distance. "This will be the end of you Fear", I thought. Then one foot after another I made my way into the valley, to meet this terrorizing creature head on. I looked down onto the path before me leading into the darkness and saw another set of prints. These could only belong to one man, who had once been here before... long before my time. The foot prints couldn't have belonged to anyone else.

Fly

Writing has escaped me these past months. Having a moment to collect my thoughts or even put them on a piece of Internet paper, has continued to be difficult. It's almost one in the morning and sleep doesn't seem like the right thing to do. I cherish this time of insomnia because it allows me to breath out what air I have left trapped in my mind. The air might be stagnant I know, maybe a little warm to feel, but there is something amazing about being able to release what has been so tightly held in. Like a flock of pigeons freed from their cage, it's a sight to see as they fly off further and further into the distance.
What we tend to forget is the importance of what we so desperately tried to cage in.
Thoughts, emotions, experiences. They all make up who we are, whether we share it with others or keep it inside, what makes us valuable is our choice to set them free.
Pigeons always fly back home. In the early years pigeons were used to carry messages back to loved ones, military bases, kingdoms etcetera. Once the bird was taken from its home and set free to fly, it would carry with it that message of importance back to its home where the recipient would be waiting. A bird is just a bird, yes, but its of no importance to you if you never release it to fly. Everything works for the good of Gods glory, every moment of your life has its mark, every experience has its right to be used, not for your gain only but for the betterment of something bigger.
Take what you are given and give back.
I'm not writing to release any thoughts of congestion, or to freshen the air in my mind. I write to hopefully help you see that God wants you to propel forward into what He has next. Where are you in this moment of your life? Have you closed the door and shut it all in?  Don't wait for a moment in time, don't look to what you could do then. Be what God called you to be in this moment, in this time. Ministry is all around you, where you are before where you are going. Set free what makes you valuable, if you cage in who God called you to be you're only another grounded pigeon. Set yourself free to fly and then you will see the beauty in what He has in store in the very near distance.

Struggles of the Heart

I opened the door to my room and walked in slowly shutting out the world behind me. I flipped the light to my room off and put the music from my phone into my ears, I soaked in the beginning moments of my time with Him. Most days I don't say a word, I just think. I feel. Sometimes I struggle with my heart.

Suddenly I become so aware of what I don't have. I become aware of what I have missed. I become aware of what I was never given. I realize my brokenness and it screams so loud! It yells that I am not enough! It tells me I can't because.... it tries to convince me of my short comings. I am reminded again of what I have lost. I am reminded that I am not yet healed. I remember that I was always forgotten, and alone....
How long O God must I wait? How long Father, must we hurt and writhe in the pain of our past. How long do we have to fear the possibilities of the future? Why do you not answer? Do you see the tears that soak my pillow? Do you not see the sufferings of your people? Why do you hide your face? Why can we not hear your voice?

But then You remind me who You Are....
And with that He makes up for what I am not.
I am reminded that I am lost without Him.
I am reminded that He holds my heart in the palm of His hand.
I am reminded of His love, and there is nothing greater.

I wipe the last tear from my face and breath out the flood of insecurities. The next inhale I take is more deliberate, full of confidence and assurance in my God... My King... My Great Love. The silence of my heart brings a smile, who knew the real struggle was just in letting it go.

Darkness

Remember the voices that said you could never,
Remember the thoughts that said you were made for nothing better.
I remember the places where I once stayed,
I recall the moments where I would only fade.
I lived in the darkness of my own,
I walked in shadows, in low places I would roam.
I thought I was secure in the knowledge that I had,
there was nothing for me left to grab.
Lies tried to steal the little hope I held to,
I struggled, I pleaded, I cried out to you.
You are a God that remembers our sufferings,
and because we recalled our promised dreams,
you stood before our adversaries,
and proclaimed life and mine you carried.
Whoa to you that said they could never,
I am God, I created the stars and put you together.
I made you for more than what you believe,
because you turned away I will give them the keys.
Beware to those that make my little ones stumble,
by your own words you will crumble.
To those that once were proclaimed to be nothing of importance,
I will open to you the mysteries of my presence.
I am God where light can only be,
choose darkness and only the darkness you will see.