In Suffering...

Today I made myself sit.        Just sit.
I just needed to hear God.

There are so many questions. So many questions I don't have the answer to... and probably wont. I'm tired. I'm not strong. I deal with some things totally wrong.
I am broken. I have missing pieces. And I have longings for things that seem will never come.
But am I missing it?

I had a pretty rude awakening a week ago... and it is making me stare that question deep in it's eyes.
Do I let my life define me OR do I define it?
 I think on some of my past decisions and wonder if I made that decision or did I let life make it for me? Was I running from something? Was I hiding from something?
As soon as we refuse to feel, or deal with something we refuse the strength of God. We cannot run 10 miles without first feeling the pain of one mile. (Jer. 12:5) But scars and all, do we take what we have and LIVE?
Being numb to pain and being strong are two very different things. Refusing to deal with hurts and having strength are nowhere near the same.
Suffering produces perseverance... (Rom. 5:3-5)

Today I made myself sit.     Just sit.
I just needed to hear God....
and He said it was okay to suffer. So I wept...