His Feet

A gust of cold wind rose up over the ledge as I looked down into the blackened valley. I remembered this place, though I knew I had never been here before. Every battle wore the same mask of pain and fear and burdens every heart of man. The same feeling of terror before the fight... lurking around every corner to freedom. The unknown of what is to come and what you have to offer in this life you have been given. Every moment of failure and past mistakes rush into my mind. "Am I worthy" I thought, "how could I be?"
Suddenly I smelled Fear in the distance and a wave of emotion overtook my soul. Thats when I knew they were close... All I wanted to do was hide.

-

"I'm not ready." I had to let Him know before I left what I thought, I knew in my heart it was too big for me. It was my last plea to stay in this place that had become so comfortable.
"Who told you that?" He said softly and with a certain sternness in His voice. He shifted slightly at the table. I looked down at my feet, dirty and rough, years beyond my own etched into them.
"Who is ever truly ready for the unknown?" He asked. "I know what is to come," he spoke in such confidence, " I am."
I looked at His feet, tattered and scarred. His feet wore a life that I have never known, beyond what I could imagine or comprehend. His scars were unlike any others, set apart. I have heard rumors of the battle that He had won, long before my time. His feet wore the scars of that battle.Thats when I knew that because of what he had already done, that He was the only one whose words I could trust.

-

I walked boldly to the edge of the cliff and gazed off. I could slightly see the other side risen above the valley through the mist. There was promise there, there was something wonderful and new and this valley, this fight, was how I would reach the next chapter. The smell of the Enemy thickened and I caught a glimpse of Fear making its way toward me from the distance. "This will be the end of you Fear", I thought. Then one foot after another I made my way into the valley, to meet this terrorizing creature head on. I looked down onto the path before me leading into the darkness and saw another set of prints. These could only belong to one man, who had once been here before... long before my time. The foot prints couldn't have belonged to anyone else.

Fly

Writing has escaped me these past months. Having a moment to collect my thoughts or even put them on a piece of Internet paper, has continued to be difficult. It's almost one in the morning and sleep doesn't seem like the right thing to do. I cherish this time of insomnia because it allows me to breath out what air I have left trapped in my mind. The air might be stagnant I know, maybe a little warm to feel, but there is something amazing about being able to release what has been so tightly held in. Like a flock of pigeons freed from their cage, it's a sight to see as they fly off further and further into the distance.
What we tend to forget is the importance of what we so desperately tried to cage in.
Thoughts, emotions, experiences. They all make up who we are, whether we share it with others or keep it inside, what makes us valuable is our choice to set them free.
Pigeons always fly back home. In the early years pigeons were used to carry messages back to loved ones, military bases, kingdoms etcetera. Once the bird was taken from its home and set free to fly, it would carry with it that message of importance back to its home where the recipient would be waiting. A bird is just a bird, yes, but its of no importance to you if you never release it to fly. Everything works for the good of Gods glory, every moment of your life has its mark, every experience has its right to be used, not for your gain only but for the betterment of something bigger.
Take what you are given and give back.
I'm not writing to release any thoughts of congestion, or to freshen the air in my mind. I write to hopefully help you see that God wants you to propel forward into what He has next. Where are you in this moment of your life? Have you closed the door and shut it all in?  Don't wait for a moment in time, don't look to what you could do then. Be what God called you to be in this moment, in this time. Ministry is all around you, where you are before where you are going. Set free what makes you valuable, if you cage in who God called you to be you're only another grounded pigeon. Set yourself free to fly and then you will see the beauty in what He has in store in the very near distance.

Struggles of the Heart

I opened the door to my room and walked in slowly shutting out the world behind me. I flipped the light to my room off and put the music from my phone into my ears, I soaked in the beginning moments of my time with Him. Most days I don't say a word, I just think. I feel. Sometimes I struggle with my heart.

Suddenly I become so aware of what I don't have. I become aware of what I have missed. I become aware of what I was never given. I realize my brokenness and it screams so loud! It yells that I am not enough! It tells me I can't because.... it tries to convince me of my short comings. I am reminded again of what I have lost. I am reminded that I am not yet healed. I remember that I was always forgotten, and alone....
How long O God must I wait? How long Father, must we hurt and writhe in the pain of our past. How long do we have to fear the possibilities of the future? Why do you not answer? Do you see the tears that soak my pillow? Do you not see the sufferings of your people? Why do you hide your face? Why can we not hear your voice?

But then You remind me who You Are....
And with that He makes up for what I am not.
I am reminded that I am lost without Him.
I am reminded that He holds my heart in the palm of His hand.
I am reminded of His love, and there is nothing greater.

I wipe the last tear from my face and breath out the flood of insecurities. The next inhale I take is more deliberate, full of confidence and assurance in my God... My King... My Great Love. The silence of my heart brings a smile, who knew the real struggle was just in letting it go.